I hate this cold weather!  Fall and winter aren't exactly my favorite seasons. 

Ariana developed a fever last Saturday.  Her fever broke on Tuesday, but now she has tiny red bumps all over her body.  My mom said it's resulting from the fever and it'll go away.  The poor baby hadn't been herself.  She's more clingy and fussy, and she doesn't sleep well at night.  Cranky baby = tired Mommy.  It seems like I can never get enough sleep.  I'm tired and sleepy all the time.  I don't have the energy to do anything.  I don't know if I'm falling into another episode of depression or I'm just plain tired.  The obsessive thoughts are starting to come back .  I'm not taking Zoloft anymore, and I'm no longer seeing my therapist (for insurance reasons).  I'll have to deal with it on my own.  I'm such a mess.  I can't even think straight anymore.  I feel like all my thoughts are all tangled up in my head.  I can't really sort them out. 

Okay, totally different subject...but this has been bothering me so I need to vent. 

I'm tired of people (namely Ryan, my inlaws, and some members of my family) telling me that I'm spoiling my child by holding her too much, letting her sleep with me at night, giving her too much attention, etc.  I don't agree that you can spoil an infant by giving her what she needs - which is my love and affection.  When Ariana cries because she doesn't like to sleep in her own crib, I carry her to my bed and let her sleep with me.  Ryan said we should just let her cry herself to sleep because that's what his parents did to him.  Well, first of all...I am not his parents, I REFUSE to be compared to his mother.  I am not going to let my child cry herself to sleep so I can sleep.  It's not only selfish, it's also abuse.  When Ariana fusses and wouldn't eat, Ryan would say "Let her go hungry, then she'll eat."  What kind of parenting is that?!!  That is why I would never ever leave Ariana alone with him for a whole day.  I believe you can spoil a child by giving him whatever she wants.  But if my daughter needs my emotional and physical attention, I'm not going to deprive her of it.  End rant.